Pimp My Hangover

Blogdramedy:

This week on NWR, Tom share with you how you can drink responsibly. Excuse me. Please wait for a moment. [whispering from Dave and an infographic flogged in my face by Oma while Dave snorts laughter quietly in the corner -- FloridaBorne just shakes her head]
Sorry. I miswrote that first sentence. This week on NWR, Tom shares with us how to recover from not drinking responsibly. It involves scantily -clad nurses and a bus. Right now Eva is thinking maybe she should have kept her turn in the posting schedule after all. Check it out RIGHT NOW over on The Nudge Wink Report.

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

This is the kind of nurse you get if attacked by a hamburger in Las Vegas.
There is no shortage of nurses in Las Vegas.

Your originally scheduled content regarding Invisible Art has been preempted because this author fell for a hoax perpetrated by some radio DJs. Radio DJs!!! Who knew DJs could still be relevant?! I don’t even own a radio. And I was going to give you all an exclusive FirstPlay of my entirely silent album entitled Mum’s The Word, too. Oh well, your loss. I need a drink. –Ed.

What Happens In Vegas … Holy Mother Of God

Since the time of antiquity when humans first learned they could coax liver damage out of fruit there have been hangovers. After all you can never have too much of a good thing. It was good enough for my daddy and his daddy before him and his daddy’s daddy so it’s good enough for me.

By the way, I’ve never had a hangover. True…

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NeckPain

What Happens When You Get Gum On The Pause Button

This is what happens: life gets sticky. And there’s nothing for it but to come clean with a blog-fessional.

Forgive me WordPress but it’s been [pause for counting: 1, 2, 3, 4...] too freaking long since I’ve offered up a slice of my soul for the indigestion of my legions of readers and faithful followers.

I pondered all weekend about whether I’d bore you with the details of the whys and the hows. And then I thought, everyone around here knows all about it so why shouldn’t you be in on the know?

My body got stuck in the land of misery and angst after 12-rounds with someone I’ll call, “Nick the Neck.” He arrived with a side order of high blood pressure and a daily dish of headache.

It’s been such fun.

NeckPain
Report it to who? They never tell you that part…

For over six months now, I’ve suffered from severe neck pain. I haven’t been able to write, or even sit up for extended periods. I could only send longing looks to my laptop as it languished in the corner, feeling ignored and unloved.

After many visits to my doctor, prodding and poking and talking about “stress,” he finally sent me for comprehensive blood work. You know that sheet the doctor fills out? Where he ticks off the boxes for the type of blood work he wants done? My doctor ticked off every box on the sheet. Continue reading

No Thinning This Herd

Blogdramedy:

This week on NWR, Dave “weights” in on the over protection of stupid people. It’s a subject close to the heart of staff at The Nudge Wink Report. Forrest Gump is our hero. Check it out and give us your comments and stories about any stupid people you may have encountered this week. We want to hear all about it. *wink*

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

Image from the author's personal empty tequila bottle
Image from the author’s personal empty tequila bottle

In a recent FTC ruling, people who bought caffeine-infused under-garments in hopes of losing weight will soon be getting their money back.  It seems that two different companies sold these jittery Jockey shorts and bilked people out of a million bucks or so.  Much to the disappointment of these shoppers, wearing tightey-whiteys with more buzz in them than a case of Jolt Cola won’t actually melt the pounds away.

The legal community would have us believe that this action has identified the wrong doers and punished them.  The innocent victims of the greedy scams will be reimbursed and everything will once again be right with the world.  What they don’t tell us is that with an extra fifty bucks squeezed back into their tight pants pockets, these folks are free to buy a case of Hostess Ho Ho’s, a couple…

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Champagne, Sparkling Wine & Lady Beer – A Love Story

(Today it’s Wine-ology Part Three: The Final Chapter, brought to you by Loie over at CheapWineCurious. She saved the best for last. Enjoy! — BD)

A Tome on the Taxonomic Rank of Carbon Dioxide in the Production of Effervescent Alcoholic Refreshment 

IMG_6835

This is the finale of my wine trilogy for Blogdramedy. I have loved every hard earned word written in these posts because I have convinced myself that there are actually people reading them. This fin de siècle is dedicated to all those gentle readers who indulged my obscure references, endured spasms of the urinary tract due to my hilarity, and suffered inferiority complexes upon reflection of the refinement and wittery of this series of posts.

I applaud you for taking personal interest in you betterment by building your gastronomic repertoire and stretching your threshold for insufferable assholery. I know, I know, who likes a know it all – even I suffer from self hated and loathing but alas, I’m sure Gynneth Paltrow and Blake Lively all had a split nano-second of self reflection before they launched their “lifestyle brands.” The thought of “helping people” allowed them to snap out of their funk and espouse relevant, down to Earth, aspirational guidance to the everyday woman, who happens to be of a privileged class, a celebrity and unusually beautiful by even Western standards. Through this resilience, they have become the subject of idolatry that is pop culture in earnest. Hey, I totally get it. Kudos, you gals have guts! I only have brain matter, but I put it to use and to protect my only asset, I aways wear a bicycle helmet while riding about town although it makes me look dorky. We all have our crosses to bear and f’d up hair days. Continue reading

U.S. Department of Pornography

Blogdramedy:

This week on NWR, Tom delves deep into the abyss of all things porn. If you like your humor on the large size, swing your [blank] on over to The Nudge Wink Report and have at it. *NWR Management is not responsible for any injuries incurred while reading this post*

Originally posted on The Nudge Wink Report:

A high-ranking official in a federal agency helplessly wonders how to respond to an employee.
A high-ranking official in a federal agency helplessly wonders how to manage a typical employee. (Actor portrayal.)

We live in interesting times. I guess that makes us the butt end of a curse. Our time is one of pros and cons. Of good versus evil. Day vs. night. Light versus dark. Xbox vs. PS4. Rebellion verses Empire. And it’s not a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. It’s us. Right now.

Pro: We have the internet, undeniably the greatest system for storing and sharing information the world has ever seen.

Con: Icky, icky, icky, sticky!

According to estimates from Scandinavian research center Sintef, 90% of all the data the human race has ever produced has been generated in the past two years.

Source: BBC.com – Web porn: Just how much is there? circa 2013

Back in June 2010 a net filtering firm known as Optenet put out…

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