Communication retro-style. Cool!
Warm ocean breezes, sandy beaches and unlimited alcoholic beverages. Now you’re talking my language.
It’s time for Let’s Play Desert Island. You know the game — you’re stranded on a desert island and you can only take 10 things/people/whatever with you. But, because I like to be difficult as often as possible, we’ll play in reverse.
Top Ten Things I Don’t Want With Me When Stranded On A Desert Island
10. Mitt Romney — The man’s a Mormon. I’m an atheist. Every seven days he’d be trying to fit me for LDS garments and I like to sleep in the nude. Plus, no washing machines. Seven days of wearing the same underwear? Can you say ewww?
9. Decaf coffee — I’m stranded on a desert island. I don’t think drinking decaf is going to lower my stress level. I’ll want full-bore espresso at least twice a day so I’ll be ready to go and full of energy for when really cute Coast Guard cadets come to my rescue.
8. Room service — Well, duh. I don’t have a room so I don’t have a hallway to leave my dirty dishes.
7. Celery — I just don’t get celery. Do you know some people eat it with Cheese Whiz? What’s up with that? Putting something that doesn’t taste like cheese on something that doesn’t taste like anything.
6. An award-winning book – I could die out here any minute and you want me to read a book written by someone who uses 72 words to describe a bowel movement? The urge to edit would be overwhelming and, of course, me without my red pen.
5. George Clooney — Please. The man drops women every 20 seconds. He has the attention span of a dung beetle. Would you want to be stuck on an island with no place to lick your wounds after he dumped you on day one? Now, if I could have him with a case of recurring amnesia, then you be wiggling a different eyebrow. Every day he’d discover you all over again. That would be…exhausting. But hey…desert island. What else is there to do?
4. Survivor voted-off cast members — Do I need to spell it out for you? Those people were the original reality tv stars. There’s nothing they wouldn’t do for ratings. Like eat me. (And not in a good way.)
3. Toilet paper — I think in this situation it’s best to adapt to your surroundings as quickly as possible. The sooner you get over any sanitary taboos, the better. Only…when I finally get rescued, don’t shake my hand in congratulations.
2. A vibrator — Now you would think I’d want one with me. But unless it’s solar-powered, having a battery-operated vibrator would just be too depressing. I mean…it would totally ruin the moment to constantly be listening for that change in tone…the one that means the battery is running down. I’m just not that strong.
And the number one thing I don’t want with me if stranded on a desert island?
1. An empty martini glass — That would be beyond cruel. Being stranded isn’t enough? You have to taunt me, too? Damn you. Damn you to hell. Damn you to a desert island full of celery and Survivor rejects.
I tried playing this once with a group of friends. By number 4 I was kicked out for being “too serious” I guess bring people that in a worst case could be eaten is frowned upon…
Eating people? You’re friends have no sense of survival. I hope that number five was going to be hot sauce. I find that really livens up a meal of fried toes and diced cheek meat.
Well, I don’t know about a list. However, I would like to play desert island with you, for real! as in you and I are on the desert island. All we have is time, time to play …..’nuff said! Know what I mean?
*wink wink* *nudge nudge*
Thanks for making me laugh today!
Great idea! Let’s see. I would not want to have Britney Spears. With no electronic equipment available, she wouldn’t be able to lip sync, and I DO NOT want to hear her real voice.
If she happened to show up you’d have to make sure some Survivor cast members were around. Britney-On-A-Stick has a certain piquant flavour.
Love it! OK. That goes back on the things to bring list. Man, this is hard!
Man, it’s like walking a tightrope. You swing one way or the other too far and look out! You’re on a deserted island with Dolly Parton and a bucket of KFC.
Apparently the island has an all-natural bidet. That’s the best I can figure based on the data you’ve provided. Maybe it’s a gentle soothing version of Old Faithful?
A list of things I wouldn’t want with me would be quite long indeed. My list would probably include lightning rods, shark bait, the Fukushima nuclear reactor, a Wilson volleyball, Red Bull beverages, phones, Wesson oil and Justin Bieber.
You only list eight things. You get two more. May I suggest a Diaper Genie and a really sharp knife.
I wouldn’t want: lima beans, a corpse, Tom Cruise, a toddler, file folders, the collected works of Rush Limbaugh, a cat in heat, a Precious Moments figurine, a ventriloquist’s dummy and a six pack of beer (any brand).
This is fun!
If this is a list of what you don’t want, I think I’m in love.
Aw. I bet you say that to all the girls.
I swear to whatever deity you hold most holy…be it Zoomer, the Vaccuum Cleaner God or Squishy, Lord of the Wet Towel but you’re my first girl.
It was good for me. Was it good for you?
Wow. Yeah. I think I’m gonna need a minute. Whew!
And, I’ve pledged my eternal soul to Gozer the Gozerian, actually. I’m a reformed Squishiterian.
Wow. A re-former. Doesn’t that get tiring after awhile?
*snort*
Sorry but I crack myself up sometimes. It can be quite painful. Thankfully, there’s always an open bottle of vodka in this place. For purely medicinal purposes.
*snort*
Can I have the stuff you don’t want? I like celery.
Okay but you have to take George, too.