Pear Grenade
by Blogdramedy
Now this is my kind of pear shape!
The partridge paced in front of the pear tree, his wings folded against his plump little thighs. “Your fruit is mine, sucker,” the bird tweeted. With a ruffle of feathers, the bird turned and shot out a stream of milky white feces on the grass.
The pear tree was admiring its bounty of ripe, voluptuous fruit and decided to ignore the partridge. After all, there was no need to encourage such rudeness. It knew how to deal with the little squab. His brain really is the size of a pea. That must account for the little pecker’s short-term memory.
The tree sighed and relaxed its boughs so that the lower branches gently grazed the ground. Quickly, the partridge leaped…eager for a taste of juicy flesh. The branch snapped back and released the pear grenade.
BOOM!
One dead partridge under a pear tree.
—
This story is part of BlogFestivus: 12 short stories, 12 days, 12 Days of Christmas. You can find more of these unique stories by clicking on the participant links below:
Blogdramedy (writing challenge instigator)
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
All My Answers
Tori Nelson
A Few Clowns Short
Grouchy Mom
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
My life: a constant work in progress
Becoming Bitter
PamBamBam
Clan of the Cave Hair
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Lindsey Anthony (@rewindrevise)
/ December 1, 2011HAAA! Love it! Let the stories begin…http://www.rewindrevise.com/2011/12/andrew-partidge-in-pear-tree.html
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011It’s going to be 12 days of nuttiness.
Amy
/ December 1, 2011Ha! Sentient pear trees – love it!
And this: “the bird turned and shot out a stream of milky white feces on the grass” – so like a damn bird.
Mine will be up later today because I had to post my last zombie of the year this morning. Two posts in one day. I think that’s a first!
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011*snicker* This challenge is going to be fun. Everyone is so getting the point!
Yay! Another Zombie post…I think you need to make a calendar out of these.
lisleman
/ December 1, 2011death by pear tree – I didn’t see that coming.
Oh after a technical difficulty in scheduling my post, it’s up now. Thanks for this great challenge.
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011You are welcome! After BlogShorts, I am not going to be surprised if quite a few of you go the dark humor route. It just seems to work well for short stories. Have fun.
madtante
/ December 1, 2011I love a “pear grenade” as a heavy-bottomed spin-off of Newton.
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011I hear pear was his second choice.
trailblazer1
/ December 1, 2011My 1st Day of Blogfestivus -http://trailblazer1.wordpress.com/2011/12/01/blogfestivus-the-first-day-of-christmas/
Question – does each day have to relate to the next – or are all independent stories, or who gives a darn?
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011No, each day does not have to relate to the next other than the first day is to include a pear and a partridge, day two would be turtle doves, day three French hens, etc. all through the rest of the song, the 12 Days of Christmas.
trailblazer1
/ December 1, 2011oops – should have read the fine print . . .
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011I should have shipped out magnifying glasses.
But you know what? So what. Work them into tomorrow’s post. I won’t tell teacher. *grin*
shoutabyss
/ December 1, 2011LOL! I deliberately didn’t read anyone else until my story was done, but I see we went in a similar direction. You, of course, one-upped me nicely with the inclusion of words like “squab” and “feces.”
Well done! The spirit of BlogFestivus is obviously alive and well and in very good hands.
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011Great minds think alike and all that poop.
Thanks for the kind words…when will Tom be back.
Becoming Bitter
/ December 1, 2011Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011Christmas brings out best and worst part of me…expect more dark humor.
Jene
/ December 1, 2011Poor Partridge. I guess we never really stop to think about the trees and consider their feelings. And, now I sound like the Lorax.
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011Well, this tree didn’t have a tongue but it had a wicked right hook.
“I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues” –Lorax.
Random
/ December 1, 2011Nice! It’s like a parable! And the moral is… Don’t mess with pear trees?
Bonus points for calling the partridge a “little pecker”! (Not that we’re keeping score or anything.)
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011I kind of like the “squab” reference, too.
Yes, don’t fuck with Mr. Pear…he will bartlett you into an anjou.
stevebetz
/ December 1, 2011That bird had it coming!
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011No one makes a smoothie out of those pears.
Suzanne Forte
/ December 1, 2011Had fun with the first post. I’m trying to be funny, hope I made someone laugh.
http://suzannefortepr.blogspot.com/2011/12/blogfestivus-day-one-who-you-calling.html
Blogdramedy
/ December 1, 2011You made me laugh…and go weight myself.
Aimee Katherine Guest
/ December 2, 2011Haha, great post xD Don’t mess with the pears!
Blogdramedy
/ December 2, 2011Everyone thinks apples are tough. They have no idea.
QXFace
/ December 2, 2011This was a fun idea!
You’ll be writing about a lot of birds in the next 12 days.
Blogdramedy
/ December 2, 2011Squawk! And another one’s left hanging from the perch.