I’m a customer. Where’s my service?

Let me take you back in time…to about eight weeks ago. Remember that number.

Hey...you called me. Remember? (Fucking customers.)

I drove into town to pick up the mail and in among the flyers for 2 for 1 pizza and funeral plots half price, I spied a promotional brochure from our Visa Rewards Program. When I got home I was about to put it in the pile of newspapers and cereal boxes we use as fire starter but paused. Hm. Maybe there’s something worthwhile in there I could waste points on.

I poured a cup of coffee and started to flip pages. When I got to page 14, I spotted it. An iPod Touch, 4G, with wi-fi. Now, I’ve never had an iPod, an iPhone, an iPad or any other kind of iDevice. I’ve been happy with my MacBook and while the thought of having my music with me crossed my mind occasionally, I could never get myself to spend real money on one. Now, however, I could convince myself that if I ordered one off the rewards program, it was FREE!

But, even better, it was two weeks before NaNoWriMo. I could sit and write and listen to tunes…Oh. My. God. This could be fricking awesome!!!

Before I got too excited, I said to myself…Self? I know this is going to be difficult. You’re going to have to pick up the phone and actually talk to someone, live and in person. There is no online option with this rewards program. (Believe me…I looked.) You’re going to have to make sure you hit the correct button on the list of options and you’re going to have to listen to some lame ass music while they connect your call. Are you ready for that? Better make sure because the chance this call could end badly it as close to a guarantee as you’re ever going to get.

With careless disregard, I called the 1-800 number. The phone on the other end rang.

“Hello. This is ABCD Rewards Program. Please select from the following five options.” I listen. There is no option to be connected to the rewards section. Already it’s starting. I re-check the number and dial again. Same list. Same no option. Cursing, I hit zero and wait to be connected. “Hi. This is Jessica with ABCD Visa. How can I help you?”

“Hi. I received  your rewards program brochure in the mail today and I’d like to order the iPod Touch.”

“I’m sorry but you’ve dialed the wrong number.” Is anyone reading this surprised?

“Well, this is the number in the brochure. I checked it twice and this is where I ended up.’

“It’s fine. I can connect you.” And before I could ask her what the number was (because you never know…I might need to dial it when this call gets disconnected or I’m put on hold in hold hell), she put me on hold and I sat listening to Kenny G. for a really long 30 seconds.

“Hi. You’ve reached ABCD Rewards Program. Please listen to the following four options.” I listen. This time, better luck. I hit four and wait while my call gets sequenced to the top.

“Hi. Welcome to ABCD Rewards Program. This is Angie. How can I help you today?”

“Hi. I’m part of the rewards program and I’d like to use some points to order the iPod Touch.”

“Certainly. May I have your credit card number please.” I reel off the number. “Now, can I have your security question?” Fuck. I’m not the primary card holder. “It may be your mother’s maiden name.” Okay. “Black.” Pause on her end. “It may be the maiden name of the primary card holder.” Fuck. Okay…got it! “Brown.”

“Excellent. Do you have the item number?” I do and give it to her. “Thanks. All done and you should receive it in 2-4 weeks. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

I’m in shock and croak out a “No, thanks. This is great.” I hang up in a very happy frame of mind. I spend the next 28 days driving to our post office box. No iPod. But, the original call went so well and it is that time of year when people are pre-ordering gifts for Christmas. I decide to give it two more weeks.

It’s now November 28th. I call ABCD Rewards and go through the hoops to get to a live person. I explain to Laura, in the nicest possible way, that I ordered an iPod Touch on October 13 (hm…13th…figures) and it’s now been over six weeks and wondering where it was.

I gave the card number and security question and she checked the records. “Looks like there’s a back order on that item but I can’t seem to find a record on whether it’s been shipped or not. Let me put you on hold.” Ah, yes…of course. “No, I can’t find out if that has been shipped. I’m going to give this file a reference number for tracking and why don’t you give it a week then call back if it hasn’t arrived. Here’s the number.” I jot it down and hang up.

Zoom! One week later and still no iPod. It’s December 5th and the Mister has been back for one day and already regretting that he didn’t stay away until I’d received the iPod because that’s all he heard about from the minute he walked in the door.

I call, again. Go through everything, again, and get to a live person, where I explain, again, what the problem is. She puts me on hold. “Hi. I checked and you ordered the iPod on October 13 and you should know it takes about 2-4 weeks for delivery.” She goes silent.

“Ah…yes, I know that. I’m in week eight and still waiting. I called last week and was given a reference number and told to call back in a week. It’s been a week. Do you want the reference number?” Silence. “No, that’s okay. I have it here in front of me. Let me put you on hold and I’ll check into this for you.” Music. “Hi! I checked and it seems this item was back ordered and it’s been shipped. You can expect it in 2-4 weeks.”

Hm.

“That’s not good enough. I leave on Thursday for an extended trip and really wanted that iPod. Let’s just cancel it and I’d like my points back please.” Up to this point, it had been a friendly conversation. That now changed. “Is the primary card holder there and available to talk?” Whoa…the temperature just went down 10 degrees. First off, thankfully the Mister was back. Secondly, what? She thought I had the primary card holder tied up in front of me with a gun to his head just so I could scam some points? Whatever. “Yes. As a matter of fact. He is. Please hold.” Ha!

I go grab the Mister, give him the gist of what’s going on and he picks up the phone. Over the next twenty minutes, he goes through the story with three different people. The first one told him the story about it being back ordered but was shipped. He looked at me. “No. I want the points back. If they had told me that in the first place, I could have made an informed decision and either still ordered it, knowing I’d have to have someone mail it to me or canceled the order right then and there. I want the points back.”

The Mister asked for the supervisor. At which point he was told that the item was on back order and had not been shipped. The Mister asked that the order be cancelled and the points put back on the card. “Actually sir, I see here that is has been shipped. You can expect it in 2-4 weeks.” The Mister proceeded to tell him, in detail, why this was not good enough and asked again for the points back. “Let me talk to your supervisor.” The Mister proceeds to tell this supervisor that if the item has really been shipped, fine. But he wants the original points back and if the iPod ever arrives, he’ll call and let them know. No dice. He asked to speak with the top dog and is told he is not available. The Mister leaves his home and cell numbers and says he expects a call back before Thursday.

It’s late Tuesday and still waiting. Still no iPod…still waiting for customer service.

I just knew I should never have picked up that fucking phone in the first place.

Posted by Blogdramedy on December 6, 2011

http://blogdramedy.wordpress.com/2011/12/06/im-a-customer-wheres-my-service/