(Author’s Note: This BlogFestivus short only makes sense if you read my I’m a customer. Where’s my service? post from yesterday. If you haven’t read that post, go give it a quick skim then come back here. Turns out, there were seven involved in both stories. Oh…it’s karma, baby.)
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I had the exact same look on my face yesterday when talking to ABCD Rewards Program about my iPod.
“Please hold.” The first black swan put the caller on hold and made sure the musak was cranked up full blast.
“What’s the problem, Frank?” The second swan shoved another sardine down his throat.
“Some white chick complaining she hasn’t gotten her iPod yet.”
“Well, give it to swan three. He’s back from break.”
“Hi. What’s your credit card number? Okay. It’s on backorder and not shipped yet.” Black swan three held the phone away from his ear. “Please hold.”
“What now?” The fourth swan scratched his ass. “Another satisfied customer?” Black swan five and six cackled.
“She’s waited eight weeks and now wants her points back.”
“Here.” Black swan seven held out his wing. “I’ll deal with this.”
“It’s been shipped. Expect it in 2-4 weeks.” The others heard mad honking sounds over the phone.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll ship it via Purolator.”
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BlogFestivus 2011 Participants (in all their unwrapped glory)
Blogdramedy (writing challenge instigator)
Fix it or Deal
Shouts from the Abyss
Stevil
A Few Clowns Short
Rewind Revise
The Original Bean
Becoming Bitter
Words That Rhyme with Purple
Mad Hatters
A Daft Scots Lass
Random Says
Suzanne Forte PR
Slightly Whimsical
Trail Blazer 1
Ivanna Marie
Lenore Diane’s Thoughts Exactly
natalie
/ December 7, 2011how am i just finding this blog?
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Well, I don’t know why you are just now finding my blog. Perhaps you’ve been sidetracked by the quest for chips & dip? Big bugs? Girl room-mate dramatics? Or perhaps Matthew is becoming too much of a distraction…
Lindsey (@rewindrevise)
/ December 7, 2011I feel your pain. Had a similar conversation with Verizon a couple years ago. They asked if there was a “Mr.” to speak with and I screamed back, “I am the Mrs. and the Mr. of this account!!” Ugh, This is why I don’t fuck with any of that stuff. Sorry about your frustrating debacle!
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Yeah…this brought to mind the first time I bought a car and when the time finally came to sign the financing and pick up my key (and I mean at the very end of the process) they told me I needed my husband to co-sign the loan. My car, my loan, me paying the monthly payments. Bastards. *snarl*
Amy
/ December 7, 2011This reminds me of those credit card commercials with the guy named “Peggy.”
I commend you for not killing your geese, but you made me want them to die.
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Swans, babe. Swans. I didn’t kill the swans. I didn’t kill the geese, either. Just gambled them away.
Amy
/ December 7, 2011Frack! Swans! At this point my brain is a freakin’ aviary from hell!
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Chirp, chirp. Blame me…I invited everyone into my bird cage.
Random
/ December 7, 2011Ha! Way to incorporate real-life into your story! Great little details to show the swans’ nonchalance. And I loved: “‘Another satisfied customer?’ Black swan five and six cackled.”
Hilarious.
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Thanks. However, I’m about ready to peck my eyeballs out.
Random
/ December 7, 2011Please don’t!
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Too late.
Random
/ December 7, 2011I guess we won’t be able to tell behind those shades…
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011I’m scrutabley inscrutable in my shades.
Becoming Bitter
/ December 7, 2011Lol… yeah I heard their customer service sucked. Nice blogdramedy.
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Snarky, snark, snark.
stevebetz
/ December 7, 2011What’d a swan ever do to you???
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Careful…I can now reach out and TOUCH YOU!
Lenore Diane
/ December 7, 2011Love it! Well, minus the whole crappy customer service stuff. Yer gude!
Blogdramedy
/ December 7, 2011Thanks! And it pretty much happened just like I wrote it…life is most definitely stranger then fiction.
shoutabyss
/ December 10, 2011Wow. Hot pic of Natalie Portman!
I like the idea of a black swan hit squad. Like customer service commandos or something. They have a license to bill. (Oh noes. He didn’t, did he? Yep. Shameless.)
Blogdramedy
/ December 10, 2011*snort* I like my men shameless…how did you know?
Oh…and are we done yet? You’re on a comment jag.
shoutabyss
/ December 10, 2011It’s called the weekend. On weekdays I have a full plate with wallowing in misery and all.
Blogdramedy
/ December 10, 2011Got it…I forgot it’s Saturday. Well then…comment on. Just be gentle with me.