Hey…how about those Knicks!! [cue: sarcastic silence from the crowd]
It was worth a shot. Anything to distract you from insisting I explain myself.
By now you’ve figured out that when I said I’d be “closed for the holidays” I forgot to mention that “holidays” included Chinese New Year and any other holiday season that ends around the time I decide to get back to blogging. I’m sure there are many. Please say there are many. Please send me a list.
Please don’t make me join the BBA.
Please don’t make me take the 12-step solution offered by Bad Bloggers Anonymous. I’m not that bad. A little slip here or there does not make me a bad blogger. By my last count, it’s been three times. JUST THREE TIMES! Three is nothing. Three is like…30 per cent. Thirty per cent is barely cause for comment. No need to call out the K9 squad and send them out to track me down like I was some kind of CRIMINAL!
[cue: dogs barking]
I admit that I’ve fallen by the wayside on this road to blog bliss. I fell off the blog wagon and I succumbed to the charms of another.
I’m speaking, of course, about The God of…home renovation. [cue: ominous music soundtrack (which would be really cool if I could figure out how to get a dum-dum-DUM! sound to blast from your speakers just as your eyes reach this part of my excuse explanation.) Old GHR is a hard taskmaster…Jesus got nothing on this guy. He gives no quarter (rounds) and demands total submission to the faith.
It’s been forty days and forty nights but the Mister and I finally moved the bed from the living room back into our newly refreshed bedroom. We’re not totally done…still window and door trim to put up…but it’s looking good and I’m on a bit of a high so I’m going to come clean and admit it.
My name is Blogdramedy and I’m a bad blogger.
Whew. What a relief to get that off my not insubstantial chest! I’m a bad blogger. I’ll say it again…I’M A BAD BLOGGER! Can I get an Amen?
Now that I’ve owned up to the truth, I guess I have to go all the way and commit myself to The Program. A 12-step solution offered by Bad Bloggers Anonymous; subsection: home renovators and the power tools that hate them.
Step One: I admitted I was powerless over home renovation—that my life had become unmanageable. (The smell of sawdust was like catnip to me.)
Step Two: Came to believe that a power (tool) greater than myself could restore me to sanity. (Excuse me but…so not true. If anything, it drove me deeper into the abyss. Okay, okay…just saying.)
Step Three: Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understood Him. (I can barely understand the instructions that came with my wet saw never mind God. Next!)
Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (This one was easy and took next to no time. I have none…and I finally found the spare pack of nails for my nail gun. Bonus!)
Step Five: Admitted to God, to myself, and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs. (Another easy one. I’m perfect…the Mister tells me so every day.)
Step Six: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. (Sheesh…he’s getting off easy with me. I’m totally spoiling him for future bad bloggers. You are welcome.)
Step Seven: Humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings. (And then I showed him how I mix martinis. He’d been doing it all wrong for eons.)
Step Eight: Made a list of all power tools I had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. (I sprayed them with oil and wrapped them up in electrical tape…the party’s still going on.)
Step Nine: Made direct amends to such tools wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. (Which means I totally blew out our electrical panel. Twice.)
Step Ten: Continued to take personal inventory and when I was wrong promptly admitted it. (I lost 5 lbs…but you won’t hear me bragging about that.)
Step Eleven: Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power tools to carry that out. (The God I understand would get me a gift certificate to Home Depot. I’ll pray for that.)
Step Twelve: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, I tried to carry this message to other bad bloggers, and to practice these principles in all my affairs. (I don’t have affairs. I’m married. But I get the drift…the next time Karl Urban decides to do a little home renovation, I’ll strap on my tool belt. That’s all. Just my tool belt. And we’ll see who gets drilled first.)
If you’ve stayed with me this long, I think you will have come to the same conclusion I did after this little exercise. Am I really a bad blogger?
I’ve heard it said that if it takes 40 days to move from the living room to the bedroom your house must be too big.
And you’ve always been such a bad blogger that you’ve actually been good. Trippy.
OMG. What’s that? Another Karl Urban drop? I don’t know how you do it. Do they have a 12-step program for that?
And you totally missed the “abyss” drop. Slacker.
No 12-step program exists to relieve me of my Karl Urban-mania. Only Karl brings me relief.
As always you have outplayed me. I yield. And the abyss drop was sublime. You know what floats my boat.
Root beer?
I had no idea there was a program. I am a bad blogger and I need the program.
Hey…no probs. I can hook you up. Call me.
Impressed, really. When I fall off the blog wagon it’s for less productive things like Law & Order Marathons or extensive napping.
Damn. I wish. Let’s switch blogs.
Can’t live without Law & Order SVU – really miss Elliot. Have you seen this? http://youtu.be/sWJLKp2YsL0
We don’t have cable so I miss out on all the good…and bad…television. She has great hair.
Pfft, our imperfections make us perfect … or something along the line. Glad to hear that you haven’t been buried in saw dust and plaster yet
Perfection breeds perfection…until we become overbreed. Then we become Kardashian fans. So…shoot me when you see that happening, ‘k?
You are absolved. Although, I have to cop to being unable to be a Bad Blogger, because I never set out to be a blogger in the first place. Right?
SNAP! You got the right attitude to be a blogger…just sayin’.
I figured you just hitched a riade on Santa’s sleigh and were added to his heirem of Mrs. Cluas’. Who could blame him you mesermize all the men you entangle in your wicked wordsmithing (Is that a word?). I have missed your humor and though even though i don’t read through the Blogs I Follow list every day that I could not be missing EVERY post you made. So glad I have not. Welcome back to the living, breathing, typing horde!
The only harem I want to be part of is Karl Urban’s harem and then only if it’s a harem of one. Me.
Yes, wordsmithing is a word. You write it, you own it…it’s a word.
I have no idea who Mr. urban is, but wonder if you mea the country music singer Keith urban. If so Nicole Kidman has that gig locked up.
No. No. NO! Not him. Never him. Ick.
Karl Urban…from the movie “Red” and the assassin in the second “Bourne” movie. The actor doing the amazing job as “Bones” in Star Trek. THAT Urban.
Dreamy. *sigh*
Sorry, I have no idea who he is. You make me wonder if there is an actress like that I could name…Hmmmm.
Think hard then get back to me. As to Karl, there’s this thing called Google…I hear you can find out all you’d ever need to know.
Actually I prefer IMDB, where I can see everything thr actor or actress had been in.
Well then…get IMDB-ing.
IMDBed him and I have never noticed him before, so you are safe, no man crush or anything to compete with your infatuation!
Whew…I can breathe easier now.
I saw Jeremy Lin play yesterday. He’d dropped off the face of the earth after last season. I thought he was with you. He denied it.
*wink-wink*
For all things, there is just practice, practice, practice. That applies to blogging, drinking and Karl Urban I’m pretty sure.
I like how you think…I’d just change the order. Priorities and all.
FYI: Hot chicks and power tools?! Yum! I’m going to go slip into something lacy!
As for your being a BBA candidate, umm, yeah, I think it’s supposed to be anonymous!
You didn’t really miss much during your absence, so once you’ve read all of my posts since then, we’ll just forget this little lapse happened at all, ok?
I totally rock a tool belt. Except my garter belt keeps unsnapping when I reach for my hammer.
Since Blogdramedy is my nom de plume, I’m so anonymous I don’t even know it’s me.
You are on my reading list. I can just imagine what I missed. Award winning and insightful perspective is my expectation of what I’ll be reading. Am I wrong?
Award winning?! What? Like Freshly Pressed?! Me??!
Has no one given you an award yet? I can remedy that…just let me know. I’m sure I could come up with something you’d want to display on your blog.
Actually I was referring to my actually having finally been Freshly Pressed. Of course, it happened in your absence, which makes it a bittersweet accomplishment.
OMG! Congratulations. I’m glad I knew you when. Will you still have time for us lowly non-achievers of the famed FP sticker?
Considering it was FAR from my best post, I can still maintain that at the very least, the FP gods have questionable taste.
Gods are quirky. They must have gotten a taste of something they liked.
For reasons unknown, WordPress has deactivated my blog and I cannot access any of it. I have written several times seeking clarification without success. All 124 of my posts are no longer accessible to me, and I cannot write new ones. Apparently they see nothing wrong with suspending a blog on a Sunday morning without having any staff available to explain what happened. I have no idea if I’ll ever get back on here.
I’ve enjoyed (hopefully) entertaining my readers and being enlightened by other writers. I hope to be back on here as soon as possible with a new post I just wrote this morning.
I’m not optimisitic this will be resolved, as it has been quite some time since the suspension and no one has contacted me to resolve it.
My actual name is David Lovett. If this doesn’t get fixed, please be on the lookout for the novel which I’m writing. Without a blog to post on, I’ll finally have the time to finish it.
Love you, miss you.
Dave
Something to keep your spirits up – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_g2HFV6OLk
I think I love you. More importantly…thanks for answering a critical question for me. Does Karl wear boxers or briefs? Boxers. *swoon*