There was a time when parents could expect their kids to cut the ties of parental servitude around the time they entered university. You pack up your car, truck, bus, private jet — sometimes you hand over a bus ticket — and ship your children off safe in the knowledge that the drain on your bank account would ebb long enough for you to save up money to redecorate their room before they moved back home in their 30′s.
That time is not this time.
Now is the time of the millennials and you can look forward to tapping that bank account to buy clothing appropriate for your child’s first job interview.
A recent story revealed that eight per cent of university grads take their parents along on their interviews. Some are just there as emotional support and sit quietly in reception. Some light candles and pray. It’s called helicopter parenting. Now a few companies are inviting Mom and Dad to join Junior in the boardroom.
I hope this is a trend that’s on the upswing. Is there any better way of scouting out future employees than checking the credentials of their future selves?
Let’s listen in briefly:
Potential Employer: Hi Mr. and Mrs. Smith! Welcome to ABC Tech. I’m Rick Recruiter and I’ll be conducting the interview today. Junior, why don’t you take a seat over there in the corner and glance through some of our promotional materials. We’ll be about an hour.
Now, you two take a seat. Dad, I’ll start with you. Why ABC Tech?
Dad: Why not ABC Tech? I mean, you guys are at the forefront of digital diagnostics. I spent my life working analogue so this opportunity is…well. It’s a big advancement for me. And Junior is up on the latest when it comes to computer graph….
Rick: Good, good. But we’re not really interested in what Junior can do. Mom…I see here that you graduated with honors in hotel management. How has that prepared you for today?
Mom: Oh, it’s been a tremendous help in running our household. It gave me the skills I needed to put a tasty, nutritious meal on the table every night and Junior’s laundry is the cleanest in the neighborhood. He’s never short of clean underwear and I can promise he’ll show up every day well dressed with his shoe’s shined. Did you read on his application where he scored…
Rick: His numbers look very solid. How about his bowel movements? Regular or does he need some help in that department?
Mom: His bowl? He played running back in high school and helped win the Petunia Bowl his last year. I don’t see what that has to do with his application. He’s really well suited to this position and I…
Rick: What you’re telling me is all good but we need to drill-down to why you think we should hire you?
Dad: But you’re not hiring us. We already have jobs. It’s Junior we’re here to help. All the other parents are going along on interviews and while we though it strange, we only want the best for our boy.
Rick: And that’s what we want, too, for…what’s his name again? We’ll get back to that later.
I wonder at what point does he ask how long they’ve been married and how often they have sex as surely that would say oodles about a potential employee’s loyalty and commitment to the company.
This trend can only continue because, hey, wouldn’t we do just about anything for our children? So polish up that résumé, dry off those sweaty palms and help make your dream your kid’s reality. Tighten those ties that bind and you’ll always have someone else’s laundry waiting for you at home.