Swings1

What I Heard When I Accidentally Booked Myself Into A Swingers Resort

I love swings. Always have. When I was little and Dad took me to the playground, all I wanted to do was swing on the swings.

So when I had an opportunity to take advantage of a low-cost (really cheap) resort package holiday, I was all over it. It featured swings. Of all shapes and sizes. Then I found out I had heard wrong.

The deal was for an all-inclusive swingers resort. After I calmed down and got my deposit back, I started to think about what I might be missing. This is where my mind went. It isn’t pretty.

“The travel agent said there’s two-for-one happy hour every day at 6pm. So I brought an extra vibrator.”

“I only packed a 100-box of condoms.”

“You know it’s a great vacation when you don’t see your wife until you board the bus for the airport.”

“Are those brown stains on the white lounge cushions what I think?”

“Naked yoga is really kinda gross.”

“The first night was ‘Room Key Swap.’ I ended up with my own key”

“Oh sure, I’d sleep with a complete stranger the first night. But I wouldn’t drink the water.  Who knows where it comes from?”

“This is a gay resort? Fuck, got on the wrong bus.”

“I thought everyone would be sexy and thin, like me. But they’re all fat and old.”

“My husband and I came to try to save our marriage by sleeping with other people. It was his idea.”

“There’s a reason we wear clothes. I’m looking at one right now.”

“So I’m living at home and my Mom thought this would be a good way to meet women. She was right. If I was looking for women her age.”

“He asked me if I’d be interested in a BJ but I told him I only do Chivas. I’m no cheap date.”

“This might be my one chance at true love.”

“Yeah. I had fun. Totally.”

“We shouldn’t judge. We’ll let others do that on Instagram.”

 

Ever booked a vacation that wasn’t what you expected? Share details. Please.

34 thoughts on “What I Heard When I Accidentally Booked Myself Into A Swingers Resort”

    1. No vacation in 15 years…with your significant other? Then maybe YOU should take advantage of this special vacation offer. For a limited time, comes with an unlimited supply of batteries. *grin*

  1. Saving my marriage by sleeping with other people. From now on I’m throwing caution to the winds and ordering the fries with my burger.

  2. I’ve been pretty fortunate with vacations. Never had one that I didn’t enjoy. The closest I came to having a bad vacation was a trip we took for my 50th. He-Who did all the planning and wouldn’t let me be involved with anything. I was really nervous, scared and getting pissed off. In the end it was the best vacation ever! So I had to eat a little humble pie.
    As far as this trip goes, I’d be the one to get stuck with my own room key.

    1. True, it would be a fabulous people-watching activity. But there are some things you can’t unsee. If you know what I mean.

      I wonder if there are any grants for research funding in the area of grope, I mean, group sex. Hmm.

      1. From what I’ve READ about these things, sex swings, like many things sexual, are best enjoyed with the presence (and eager participation) of ones significant other. Without the partner, they are a lot like traditional swings, except for the foot straps and ball gags. Since my wife’s favorite sexual position is “pretend you’re asleep and maybe he’ll leave you the hell alone”, you can rest assured I do not speak from experience in regards to sex swings or sex anything other than deprivation. Ooops, I’ve said too much!

        1. From what I’ve READ about these things, a swingers resort is best enjoyed WITH SOMEONE OTHER THAN YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER. Although if they want to watch, that’s very much appreciated. Especially if they’re watching from a swing.

          I ignored the rest of your comment as, unlike the government, I like to stay out of other people’s bedrooms.

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