day 10: a woman’s closest relationship

J is for Jeans.

Finding the perfect pair of jeans is one of life’s joys…but it’s a science. The right fit, the right length, the right shade of blue. There should be classes taught on how to go about scoring a pair of pants that makes your ass look glorious.

Jean shopping is like falling in love. You’re madly tearing through racks of denim and suddenly, you freeze. There they are. The right rise, the right size, the right length. You casually glance around, making sure you’re alone with your discovery. You reverently pick them up and head for the nearest fitting room.

Finally, you’re alone together. That’s when the nerves kick in. The doubt. You think…I’ve been here before. The thrill, the first blush of recognition. The anticipation of a rich, rewarding life together. You remember how many times you’ve been disappointed in the past. It all looks good while they are still on the hanger.

You quickly strip down to your undies and almost scream when you see the pair of ratty old I’m-not-getting-any-tonight panties you grabbed this morning. You slide the jeans from the hanger, hold your breath and slowly pull them on. So far, so good. They make it as far as your hips and no problem…they glide right up. And miraculously, you can zip them up without sucking in…okay, just a little inhalation.

Now, it’s time to take the true test. The three-way mirror. You realize your eyes were closed the entire time so you take a deep breath (but not a deep down to your belly breath) and open up your peepers.

It’s a miracle. They fit perfectly. Your legs look lean and your ass looks like two ripe melons encased in denimy goodness. You’ve never looked better. You wish you had someone to share it with so you step outside the changing room and slowly pirouette in front of the honking huge mirror that only the true and brave approach with confidence.

But you play it cool. You know you look good. Everyone in the store stops what they are doing to gaze in awe at your backside…the only place it’s totally okay to stare at someone’s ass.

It’s too much…suddenly, there is a thunderous sound of applause. And, far in the background, you hear someone gently crying. You take one last turn then return to your changing room…knowing that you have just given hope to every female in the store.

The fact that these jeans will set you back a month’s rent is of no consequence. They are yours and you will do whatever it takes to make them your own.

When it comes to once-in-a-lifetime jeans, price should never be an issue.

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